Part-8
Life has become monotonous. Like a blank canvas without colors. A canvas, which has no painter to fill it with colors. I have lost connection with outer world. My room and music has become my companion in this lonely life. Every time I feel lonely I plugin my earphones to keep me distracted and the only song that plays on my playlist is
‘Oh no matter what I do
Each night is a lifetime to live through,
I can't go on like this,
I need your touch,
You're the only one I loved,
And as long as the stars shine down from the sky,
As long as the rivers runs to the sea,
I'll never get over you, getting over me
I'll never get over you getting over me......'
It plays over and over again but today it’s not helping too. I’m feeling very restless. I switch on TV and surf through channels. There is nothing to see on TV too. Nothing seems to interest me. All of a sudden something catches my attention. An advertisement, the same advertisement, Eric and I had done together is on air. My eyes fix on TV screen. My hand loses sensations. I feel numb. Remote fells from my hand. I get the glimpse of Eric after so long. He is chasing me on the screen and I am chasing his memories in reality. Seeing him once again makes me feel nostalgic. It drags me to the past, to the moments we cherished together. Going for morning walks, making sandcastles, sitting on the shore at midnight, those casual yet sensual hugs, his cute one liners which used to make me smile. A sad smile touches my lips. He has still the power to make me smile, even when he is the only reason I am sad today.
The continuity of my memories breaks as I hear my roommate Anvita calling my name, knocking at the door. I wipe my tears and open the door with shaky hands.
‘Where were you Alisha? Are you alright?’ asks Anvi holding my hands in a worried tone.
‘I’m calling you from past one hour. Why didn’t you pick up my call? Do you know how much worried I was?’ she continues in annoying tone.
‘I’m sorry.’ I say, refraining an eye contact.
She senses my disrupted state. She hugs me. I break into tears again.
Anvita is my roommate and more like a sister. We had come to Delhi to make our career in modeling and found ourselves roommates in this flat. At first we felt odd with each other; but soon we became friends, and the years followed with her are pleasant one. When I returned from Goa, broken and shattered, she was the one who took care of me. She always tried to cheer me up and gave me much needed support.
‘Everything will be alright. Just get over it.’ She says caressing my head.
I sob. I feel a lump in my throat, unable to speak up.
‘You are ruining your life for a stranger. Forget him Alisha. He must have forgotten you by now. He would be enjoying with some new girl playing with her heart just like he played with yours. Stop thinking about him. Start taking new projects and give your disturbing thoughts some rest. Don’t let the darkness of your past engulf your bright future.’ She suggests me like a true friend.
Being insisted by Anvi, I have finally taken up some new modeling assignments.
Within a month I am geared up to be back at my work. Although this environment now suffocates me which used to appeal me the past, I am content to be immersed in work.
Life is moving on smoothly. My day passes somehow but as soon as I enter my room in the night, his memories start haunting me again. My days pass in heavenly arena and nights sitting on bed by the window, looking out into the twilight. It seems I am only pretending to be happy but deep inside I know that I am still caged in my past. I take my diary and pour my heart into words I can’t say-
‘Sitting here lonely in the corner of my room,
Recollecting the memories, looking at the moon,
Tears start running down endlessly on my cheeks,
Thought of never finding you back, makes me weak.
Loving you was a mistake or was it a crime?
I cry my heart out; it makes me feel better sometime.
Sometimes I wish you were here to wipe my tears,
Embrace me firmly in your arms, letting go all my fears.
The wounds you left on my heart, hurt me inside,
The pain is so excruciating that I cannot describe.
The night when you kissed me laying on my bed,
The reflections of that moment linger in my head.
Tears are all I am left with, as a gift of my desolated life,
Neither you nor love is made for me now I realize.
As the images of past flash on my head, I break down like always. I cry. Only crying helps in such moments. I sink my face in pillow and sob. I don’t remember when sleep embraces me.
To be continued...
❤KaNyA
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